


I Know You And I Love You

by MissReylo



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 02:38:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14761008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissReylo/pseuds/MissReylo
Summary: She was wearing River’s ring around her finger, as soon as she had figured out how to make it smaller to fit around her new finger she had put it on...but Y/N’s ring. She was secretly wearing it on a necklace around her neck. She didn’t want to make Y/N uncomfortable by reminding her every day that the two of them were married.That the two of them had once been in love.





	I Know You And I Love You

_“I’m not here because I want to be. I’m here because I made a promise, and I keep my promises.”_  
The sentence Y/N had said some hours after the Doctor had regenerated echoed through the Doctor’s head. She was sitting in one of the TARDIS’ many living rooms, curled up on the couch with ‘Time Travel Theories’ on her lap. Her hair was up, the fire in the fireplace softly crackled and her four companions were sitting around the table, arguing about something.  
“You’re going to die, Ryan, if you eat take out one more time,” Y/N said, sipping from her tea. “Honestly, it’s surprising that you can still walk when you’ve eaten pizza two months on a row.”  
“Good luck stopping him from eating junk, Y/N,” Yasmin said, braiding her own hair.  
The Doctor softly chuckled. Of course Y/N was already worrying about the new companions. She was like a mother hen. She had always joked that Y/N adopted every person who stepped on board of the TARDIS, no matter their age.  
She stopped smiling.  
Y/N had always laughed. Her eyes shining, her hair messy. She had put her hand on her... no... his arm and she had pressed a kiss on his cheek. When she pulled away, the Doctor saw the love in her eyes.  
“All right, that’s it,” Y/N snapped, “I’m organizing a family dinner. Tomorrow night, everybody eats here. I’m making the food. Normal food.”  
“A family dinner? With who?” Graham asked, closing his book.  
“Who do you think? You, Yasmin, Graham, the Doctor and me,” Y/N said. “Right, Doctor, it’ll be fun, right?”  
The Doctor looked into her eyes. No loving look. Just friendliness. It still stung, but at least she wasn’t looking at her like she had done in the beginning. Like she was scared of her or something. “Yeah.”  
“Good,” Y/N said.  
“So, you’re the mother in this family, Y/N,” Yasmin said, “the Doctor is your wife and then me and Ryan are the two kids and then Graham’s the weird uncle.”  
“Thank you very much,” Graham said, pretending to be annoyed.  
“Sometimes a family is a weird human girl and a ancient Time Lord, a daughter with beautiful hair and a son who eats badly and a uncle who reads questionable books and that’s okay,” Ryan said.  
“Really, Ryan, a meme?” Yasmin asked him, smiling.  
The Doctor wasn’t listening any more. Ryan’s words, ‘The Doctor is your wife’, were stuck in her head now.  
She was wearing River’s ring around her finger, as soon as she had figured out how to make it smaller to fit around her new finger she had put it on...but Y/N’s ring. She was secretly wearing it on a necklace around her neck. She didn’t want to make Y/N uncomfortable by reminding her every day that the two of them were married.  
That the two of them had once been in love.

* * *

 

The Doctor had always liked sleeping next to Y/N. If she likes to snuggle changed every regeneration, but just having Y/N’s reassuring presence lying next to her, breathing, was enough.  
The Doctor was sleeping alone now. She was lying under the blankets, her eyes tightly shut. The pillow she had buried her face in smelled like Y/N.  
The Doctor had no idea where Y/N slept now. Probably in her old room. Or maybe the TARDIS had made her a new one. Wherever it was, Sexy wasn’t telling her Time Lord.  
It was a shock after living with Y/N for such a long time. She was married to River too, who knew of Y/N and liked her a lot, but River wasn’t there a lot. They saw each other sometimes and then travelled together for a week and then River left. The blonde was always so restless, she wasn’t meant to stay in one place very long.  
But Y/N, the Doctor’s love, had lived there for a long time. She was good friends with Sexy, who she called Bella. Y/N said as soon as the TARDIS started communicating with her telepathically she knew she was talking to a Bella. She had shared a bed with the Doctor for years, she had showered with the Doctor. She had dressed and undressed in front of the Doctor as long as she could remember. Of course the regenerations had been rough. But she had always loved the Doctor.  
Now the Doctor had regenerated into a woman everything was different. The Doctor had known from the moment she had seen Y/N standing there, not knowing what to say. The Doctor was a lady now, with curves and breasts - she wasn’t quite used to them yet - and hair that got in the way and all other sorts of problems.  
She wasn’t some handsome man any more. She wasn’t the person Y/N had fallen in love with, all though the Doctor was still madly in love with her.  
“I’m not here because I want to be. I’m here because I made a promise, and I keep my promises,” Y/N had said when the Doctor was lying in a bed, delirious and confused. Regeneration sickness.  
The promise... the promise to stay with the Doctor forever. The vow she had made on her wedding day. The Doctor hated herself. She had known it was a bad idea, marrying a human. Y/N had loved her then, but the Doctor should have known it wasn’t forever. Now Y/N thought she had to stay with the Doctor.  
The Doctor wanted nothing more than to have Y/N at her side forever, but not forced. She didn’t want Y/N on board of her TARDIS as some kind of prisoner. She wasn’t someone who did that.

* * *

 

“God damn it, Yasmin, I’m going to kill you when we get out of this,” Ryan murmured to the woman standing next to him. “I hate you for forcing me to watch that horror movie.”  
“I didn’t force you to watch anything,” Yasmin snapped. “You wanted to watch a horror movie! And even if I wanted to watch it too, how could I have known we would end up in this jail?”  
“I’m going to die thinking about the little girl who scratches out your eyes,” Ryan sighed.  
“Gee, thanks for that lovely mental picture. I really wanted to be reminded of that again,” Graham said from the other side of the cell.  
The Doctor rolled her eyes. “Can everybody be silent for one moment so I can figure out how to escape before we’re sacrificed to appease the gods?”  
“Well, if we’re really going to get sacrificed, they’ll kill Y/N first. A beautiful virgin,” Ryan teased.  
“I’m not a virgin!” Y/N said. She was sitting in a corner of the cell, her arms around her knees. She was almost completely covered with mud.  
“Ooh, who did you sleep with?” Ryan asked. “Come on, amuse me. We’ll probably be dead at the end of the night.”  
“Ryan...” the Doctor grumbled.  
"My first time was with a blonde when I was seventeen,” Ryan said. “Now you, Y/N.”  
“Who do you want to kill you, the aliens or me?” Y/N asked, glaring at the young man.  
The Doctor chuckled.  
Ryan looked at her, frowning. “Was it you? Did you sleep with Y/N?”  
“I am so uncomfortable with this conversation...” Yasmin complained.  
The door opened, the alien guard coming in to escort them to the sacrifice. The Doctor was already planning the best moment to run away and which way she had to take, trying not to think of Ryan’s question.

* * *

 

The Doctor looked at herself in the mirror. She was naked. She had seen herself naked as a man so many times. Of course the bodies were a bit different every time, but this was still so strange. Every time she saw herself in a mirror, it didn’t matter for how long, her hearts stopped beating for a moment.  
She wasn’t used to the way her shirt curved around the breasts on her chest or how putting on trousers was different with hips now.  
She wasn’t disgusted by herself. Time Lords didn’t care much for outer appearances. Changing twelve times in a lifetime did that to a person. But she imagined that for even the very open minded Y/N this was too much. To see the man she had loved for such a long time disappear and change in to a woman.  
She took the bathrobe and put it on, going through her blonde locks with her fingers. Long hair. It was fun to play with and the braids Yasmin had put in them had been nice but it still didn’t feel a lot like hers. It still felt like the hair of someone else. Just like everything felt lately. It was sad also. She had pretended not to care about the fact that she couldn’t use John Smith as an alias any more, but it had stung deeply.  
She opened the door to her bedroom and almost shrieked when she saw Y/N going through her closet.  
“What...” the Doctor began.  
“Oh, sorry, I was looking for a bracelet,” Y/N explained, “I think I may have dropped it here.”  
“The bracelet with the stars on them?” the Doctor asked.  
“Mmh,” Y/N said. She crouched down, trying to look if the bracelet was under the closet.  
“I haven’t seen it,” the Doctor said.  
Y/N sighed loudly. “Maybe it’s at my parent’s house. I wore it when I visited them, remember?”  
How could the Doctor not remember? The night he had almost been killed by her father because of how old he had looked? Her mother had looked like she was going to throw up when Y/N introduced the Doctor as her husband.  
“I can drop you off there, tomorrow,” the Doctor offered.  
“Thanks,” Y/N said. “You know, Doctor. Last night I was thinking about it... you’ve always wanted ginger hair. I can dye your hair red if you want to.”  
The Doctor smiled. “Maybe.”  
Y/N stared at her and then sat down next to the Doctor on the bed. “What’s the matter with you, Doctor? You’ve been acting strange lately.”  
The Doctor looked at her, taking her hand in hers. And then, even though she knew it was wrong, she pulled her wife into a kiss. It was lovely. It was like coming home after months of travelling.  
As soon as the Doctor realized what she had done she let Y/N go. “Oh, I’m so so sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean to...”  
“You stupid idiot, why are you apologizing for that?” Y/N asked. “I’ve been waiting for months.”  
“For what?”  
“For you to kiss me, you weirdo,” Y/N laughed. “I thought you didn’t want me anymore. I left you alone because I thought you needed time to... I don’t know.”  
“I thought you didn’t love me anymore. I thought... because of who I am now...” the Doctor started.  
“You’re the Doctor,” Y/N said, cupping her wife’s cheek, “you’re my Doctor. I know you and I love you, darling.”  
“I don’t even know who I am,” the Doctor admitted, swallowing.  
“Does that matter, wife of mine?” Y/N asked. “Did that ever matter to me?”  
“No, I don’t think so,” the Doctor sighed. She put her head on Y/N’s shoulder, closing her eyes. Y/N softly rubbed her back.  
“I’m here,” Y/N promised, “I’m here and I’m not leaving. Never ever. I made a vow on the day we married. I’m with you.”  
“You said you were only here because you made that promise. I thought I was forcing you to...” the Doctor whispered.  
“No, no, no. God, I wasn’t feeling great then. Regeneration is still such a shock, Doctor. I didn’t mean it. I’m here because I love you, all right? I’m sorry that we misunderstood each other, I’m sorry that you worried you were unlovable now. Because for the record, I think you’re very beautiful. And a good kisser. I want you to kiss me a bit more,” Y/N said.  
The Doctor chuckled. “I won’t argue you on that.”  
“Come here, you idiot.”


End file.
